On the day I started Kindergarten, my mother began her college studies at East Tennessee State University, a large school near our home in northeast Tennessee with a wonderful education department which would enable her to live out her calling to be a teacher. The story of her University experience is truly a remarkable one, as she somehow managed to balance her life as a wife and mother of two young children with a course load sufficient to allow her to graduate summa cum laude in only three years. Amazingly enough, the only B's she ever got in college were in a couple of physical education classes which she frequently skipped so that she could get home to be with us.

While she and my aunt (who went back to school with her and took all the same classes) were at ETSU, my brother and I would frequently go to school with them on weekends or days when we didn't have school ourselves. And, to my elementary school eyes, college always seemed like a magical place. The large bookstore where you could buy all the supplies imaginable (even at this young age, I was a rather bookish child, totally excited by pens and notebooks and things of that sort), the beautifully designed graystone academic buildings, and the well-kept landscaping of this city school simply dazzled me. Even the way people walked there and the way the rain would fall on the windshield when we would arrive at campus somehow kindled in me a fire for my own education and possibilities.

In those days, we didn't have a computer, or even an electric typewriter, so my mom wrote most of her term papers by hand on college-ruled notebook paper and either turned them in that way or went to a friend's house to borrow a word processor. And it was the greatest privilege in my young life when she would help me compose a paper of my own---on dinosaurs or football or any of my other favorite topics. I would proudly display my creation to all my friends and then keep it carefully tucked away in a binder in my bedroom. Writing felt like anything but a chore or duty---it was an exhilarating freedom to be who I was and to become something new!

Earlier today, I submitted my application to become a Distinguished Major candidate in the Department of Religious Studies. Basically, this means that I will be taking a few extra graduate-level courses next year, as well as composing a senior thesis, in order to graduate with distinction next May. If I am accepted to the program, the topic of my research and writing will be "Evangelism in the Methodist Tradition". I'm thinking about cleverly using Methodist founder John Wesley's famous evangelistic quote ("The world is my parish") in my title, but primarily what I'm interested in is what Wesley says and writes about evangelism and how he models evangelism in and through his own life and ministry. I would like to explore further and examine the ways in which his successors in the Methodist tradition have been faithful to (or expanded upon, or completely dismissed, etc.) his models of evangelism in their own missional activity, but Augustine Thompson, the Distinguished Majors' chair, tells me that that is simply too broad a project for a single 35-50 page paper. Perhaps it can become my first book, though . . .

In any case, this is a topic I care deeply about and am very excited to explore through research and writing. I think I'm also partly interested in this program, however, because it allows me to engage the academy in a new and exciting way, by working closely with a faculty consultant (in my case, Professor Heather Warren who is herself an ordained elder in the United Methodist Church and a great supporter of our Wesley Foundation) and by drawing from the resources of libraries from several seminaries and other universities. This sort of work transports me back to that magical feeling I had as a child visiting ETSU with my mother and reminds me just how blessed I am to learn and grown in the rich academic life of the University. It's the same feeling I had constantly, almost annoyingly, when I first arrived at UVA----being in awe of the Lawn and the Rotunda and the history and the stories of this place, wanting to see everything and do everything and experience everything and meet and love all the people here, just being completely taken with the University community and my place in it. It's easy to lose your grip on that feeling, though, when you become so distracted by the grind of classwork and the ceaseless demands which extracurricular organizations, actual jobs, and civic duty make on your time. So I'm hoping that I will in fact be able to pursue this project next year and that I will remember to structure my time in a way that allows me the space for the reading and writing from which I draw so much energy and discover so much of myself. I'm also hoping that this magical feeling goes with me, and ahead of me, as I continue to think about applying to the M.A. program here at UVA, as well as my search for a divinity school home (visits to Yale, Duke, Candler, and perhaps Harvard are coming in the fall) where I can pursue a broad and challenging call to ordained ministry along with a community of committed, searching Christian pilgrims.

Shalom!

Cuando El Pobre

When the poor ones who have nothing share with strangers,
When the thirsty water give unto us all,
When the crippled in their weakness strengthen others,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us.

When at last all those who suffer find their comfort,
When they hope though even hope seems hopelessness,
When we love though hat at times seems all around us,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us.

When our joy fills up our cup to overflowing,
When our lips can speak no words other than true,
When we know that love for simple things is better,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us.

When our homes are filled with goodness in abundance,
When we learn how to make peace instead of war,
When each stranger that we meet is called a neighbor,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us,
Then we know that God still goes that road with us.

--J.A. Olivar & Miguel Manzano; translated by George Lockwood

I'm being pulled in far too many directions tonight to post anything remotely insightful or smart. Instead, I'm reading and responding to Philip Roth's The Human Stain, James Alison's Faith Beyond Resentment, Serene Jones's Feminist Theory and Christian Theology, and Guillaume de Lorris's The Romance of the Rose, in addition to completing my Distinguished Majors' application, reading two of my classmates' stories for fiction writing, and lining things up for our youth group caving trip to West Virginia on Saturday and field trip to see the Passion Play at First Baptist Church on Sunday evening.

Fortunately, good songs can speak for themselves. Thanks be to God for prophetic music, for the courageous people who included it in the United Methodist Hymnal, and for the holiness which the most perceptive of saints and sinners are able to find modeled in and through the lives of our poor sisters and brothers.

". . . from the meal of shared poverty the banquet of the Kingdom springs forth." --Paul Evdokimov, The Sacrament of Love

Shalom!

I'm Still Alive . . .

Yes, I realize I haven't posted in ages. Apologies to all my faithful readers (both of you!) who I'm certain have been hopefully checking in several times a day for a word on my well-being. Initially my absence was due solely to the fact that I was in southwest Arizona (as well as parts of California and Mexico) serving alongside my sisters and brothers from the Wesley Foundation on a mission trip to the Fort Yuma Indian Reservation (If I can ever find acceptable words, I'd like to write about this experience myself, but in the meantime Eddie and Elizabeth have posted great, thorough reflections on our journey, so you should definitely check them out!). We've been back in Charlottesville for over a week now, though, and I still haven't updated. Besides simply being swamped with church work and meetings and papers and such, I just haven't been able to discover a way to articulate all the challenging, inspiring, grace-filled moments of my life these past few weeks. Having resigned myself to the wisdom that such a discovery is impossible (experience mediated by language is necessarily fragmented and incomplete, perhaps?), and needing to finish Rachel Adler's Engendering Judaism AND James Alison's Faith Beyond Resentment tonight, I've decided to just list some of the things in my life which have been blessings recently. I suppose this is tantamount to the 'joys' in a discussion of 'joys and concerns' or the 'roses' of my 'thorns and roses' or the good part of whatever analogy you prefer. I hope you'll take a moment to comment on some of these or to share your own joys!

*The enlarged lymph nodes in my brother's thigh are NOT his cancer returning. Instead, he has something called 'progressive transformation of the germinal center'. It sounds pretty intimidating, but they're actually not worried about it at all. So no radiation, chemo, or any such anxiety; he just goes back in a few months for regular checkups. And this means he'll still be moving to Cville in a couple months!!

*Dextera Domini Yay for theologically sound (and hilarious) satire!

*A trial in the Pacific Northwest Conference has acquitted openly gay elder Karen Dammann of charges that her ordination and service to the United Methodist Church are in violation of church doctrine and/or law. Here the United Methodist News Service has the full text of the jury's decision, as well as extensive coverage of the trial itself and reactions from church leaders and other Methodist pilgrims.

*Tomorrow a classmate and I will be leading discussion for our Jewish American Fiction class on Art Spiegelman's brilliant Holocaust memoir/graphic novel/historical text/comic book Maus.

*Our youth group hosted Leap of Faith, the Wesley Foundation's drama and music group, on Sunday evening. They performed this semester musical, Singing It Back Together, lots of youth and folks from the church attended, and everyone enjoyed great food and wonderful fellowship and worship!

*My fantasy NASCAR team is still last place in our league, but I outscored everyone else this week (good on Jimmie Johnson and Elliott Sadler for coming up big for me!) and I think I'm making my push now!

*I've been invited to offer the opening prayer at the retirement celebration for Mrs. Sandra Coleman, one of my all-time favorite, most engaging and involved teachers, on May 20 back in Colonial Heights.

*This afternoon, I got to have lunch on the Corner with April between her classes (which was especially wonderful since she has a crazy, hectic week and I probably won't see her for way too long), AND there are great pictures of us here: 1) At Bethany & Kirk's Engagement Party; 2) Leavin' on a Jet Plane; and 3) Outside the Church in Arizona

*On Saturday I went to Richmond for a Camp Rainbow CORE meeting and then spent some time with my parents at their house. While I was there my mother took me shopping and now I have all kinds of yummy (and free!) food. You munch on all the great things here while I help myself to some of these edible blessings!

Shalom!

Newsgroup Posts and the Ascetic Life

Okay, so I realize that I never actually followed through on that promise I made Monday for a real post early in the week. I'm still holding out hope, though, that after I head to Richmond for my brother's biopsy this morning and before we depart Friday afternoon for our spring break mission trip to Fort Yuma, Arizona and Yuma, California, I'll manage to find time to write about the worship service that I helped lead at the Fluvanna Correctional Center for Women on Sunday night, as well as the journey Alex, Andrew, Brian and I took to the theater last night to see 'The Passion of the Christ'. But in the meantime, perhaps a somewhat random piece of writing I did this week for class will hold over my countless anxious, adoring fans! Actually, this is just my weekly newsgroup post for RELC 363 (God, the Body and Sexual Orientation), lifted out of context and wholly lacking coherence or unity. It did earn me a check plus, however, which is pretty unusual, so perhaps it in fact represents far better writing than my professors have grown accustomed to. In any case, I'll just float it out there and if it lands on you with meaning, thanks be to God! If not, we'll try again later in the week.

'[T]he traditionalist position often (but not always) centers on
procreation, and the revisionist position on faithfulness, leading to
idolatry of the child on the one hand and idolatry of the partner on the
other, neither under God.' --Eugene Rogers ('Sexuality and the Christian Body') 75

'Properly understood, sexual faithfulness is not an avoidance of risk, but
the creation of a context in which grace can abound because there is a
commitment not to run away from the perception of another.' --Rowan Williams ('The
Body's Grace) 63

In this chapter, Rogers offers a uniquely and profoundly holistic vision
of what marriage can and ought to be. Although procreation, sexual
satisfaction, economic security and other goods may result from the marriage
covenant, they must not, maintain both Rogers and the most compelling voices
of the Christian tradition, be understood as its highest aims. The
sanctification of both partners, their being called up into the life and
activity of God through the committing of themselves to limitless support
and affection of one another, stands as the ultimate reason, or purpose, for
marriage. This purpose is no less realized in the monastic vows, which also
seek to explore and articulate the ways in which the body and the
individual's sexual expression can be most effectively used to glorify God.
For both the married layperson and the monastic, it seems, vulnerability is
the key to the sanctification realized in their vows. The mystery of grace
is that God is able to penetrate the most hidden and private places of our
lives in order to bring transformation and to declare them 'good'. This
brings us back to Williams and his observation that, in order to be complete
and healthy, my sexual expression must be bound up in the perception and
approval of another; the only way this opening and emptying of myself to
another is able to genuinely occur is in the context of the grace-filled
community, where I am freed to be and to become my true self. Similarly, a
healthy monastic life focuses not on the idividual and his or her abilities
of self-denial, but on the entire community which is seeking together to be
a means of grace and a mirror of the divine, holding one another accountable
and worshiping God through asceticism. As such, we are able to understand
the breadth of sincere Christian sexual expression, in both marriage and
singleness, as ways in which God manifests love and grace within human
communities.

(So your reaction to this may be ambivalence or apathy, but Professor Rogers's was great: 'Exactly right on the asceticism. Meanwhile, you write, "God is able to penetrate the most hidden and private places." This is a sexual metaphor. Right? So do something with it. Check plus.')

Shalom, my friends!

Before You Leave . . .

A real update is coming some time later today (I promise!), but until then, please check the counter while you're here, because visitor number 5000 wins the Worry Rock prize which went unclaimed last week ('Worry Rock' is in fact the title of a 1997 Green Day song, though Fraggle Rock was a pretty good guess, I suppose). Just click 'comment' below to let me know that you're the lucky reader. No cheating, though (this means refreshing the page one or more times to win the prize or just visiting over and over until you reach 5000)....I WILL know!

Grace and peace!