For the longest time the finish line wasn't even in sight. I knew intellectually that I was scheduled to graduate next month, but there were so many proejcts and papers between here and there that I couldn't imagine actually making it. In the last week, however, I've been something of an academic machine, cranking out 47 pages of writing on an ethic of death in end-of-life decision-making, my experiences as a substitute teacher and, most importantly, John Wesley's vision of evangelism.

As a result, I'm splurging a little this evening. Even though there's still a lot of work to be done, I'm now looking ahead a bit. Of course I still don't exactly know what I'll do when the semester ends, but I do have one concrete goal: I really am going to make this the 'Summer of 100 Books'...but I can only do it with your help. I have a list of 150 or so books that I want to read someday, and some of them will likely make the summer list, but I want to invite you to click the 'Comment' link below and tell me what books I simply can't miss this summer. I'm open to anything---biographies, science fiction, theological treatises, murder mysteries, really intersting cook books---if it's on your list, I'd like it on mine as well. I'll post the final product in a couple weeks, when the path to commencement becomes even clearer.

Since the comment-on-David's-blog season seems to have passed us by, hopefully this will also let me know that people are still stopping by to read my musings. I'm including a random quiz I've lifted from a friend's site for your amusement. It's a quick and interesting test, even if it is entirely lacking in scientific validity, and I'd like to know how you come out on it...but only if you also make some book suggestions!

Oh, and if you happen to know about a great, life-giving, creation-healing summer job that will keep me in Charlottesville, allow me the flexibility to continue being in effective youth ministry, and pay me a lot of money, feel free to pass that along as well. Pax Christi!

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

30% Yankee

15% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

I mentioned briefly in last week's post that things were not looking good for the incoming Wesley Residential Community. The final Trustees' meeting at Wesley Memorial was today, and it seems that they're unwilling to strike any compromise with next year's residents. Apparently, this means that, if the Community exists at all in the fall, it will be wounded and incomplete.

Unfortunately, due attention to my thesis (which, happily, is now 24.5 pages closer to completion than it was on Friday afternoon!) requires that I not spend much time reflecting on this loss. It is enough, perhaps, to say simply that it hurts. Having lived here for the past three years and given so much of myself to these houses and this Community, and having served on the Foundation's Liasion Committee (which is charged with overseeing the relatinship between the Foundation and the Church) this year, I feel somehow responsible for not building enough bridges or saying the right prayers to keep this wild and holy experiment alive. It hurts that no one understands the Residential Community as the great opportunity for ministry that it truly is, and that most of the decision-makers seem at best ambivalent about the Community's future.

It hurts, too, that a lot of really great people now won't experience the joys and frustrations of living together in an intentionally Christian community such as ours. I think that if I were in their position, I'd have to seriously consider looking elsewhere as well, but I do hope everyone appreciates how central the Community has been to campus ministry at Wesley. I'm hopeful also that reconciliation is still possible in the midst of this hurt, that folks on both sides of the fight can begin seeing one another not as adversaries or "fools" but rather as sisters and brothers with whom, whether they like it or not, they are called by God into ministry.

The best sources of healing Andrew and I have been able to think of are The Rising and The Book of Acts. Since it's not likely to be possible for me to force students and church members into a Come-to-Jesus meeting where they listen to Bruce and read the New Testament until their hope is restored, I offer these words of comfort and prophecy to you. May your night be more productive, and less dramatic, than mine!

They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. Awe came upon everyone, because many wonders and signs were being done by the apostles. All who believed were together and had all things in common; they would sell their possessions and goods and distribute the proceeds to all, as any had need. Day by day, as they spent much time together in the temple, they broke bread at home and ate their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having the goodwill of all the people. And day by day the Lord added to tehir number those who were being saved.
--Acts 2:42-47

There's a blood red circle on the cold dark ground
And the rain is falling down
The church door's thrown open, I can hear the organ's song
But the congregation's gone
My city of ruins, my city of ruins

Now the sweet bells of mercy drift through the evening trees
Young men on the corner like scattered leaves,
The boarded up windows, the empty streets
While my brother's down on his knees
My city of ruins, my city of ruins

Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!
Come on, rise up! Come on, rise up!

Now's there's tears on the pillow darlin' where we slept
And you took my heart when you left
Without your sweet kiss my soul is lost, my friend
Tell me how do I begin again?
My city's in ruins
My city's in ruins

Now with these hands,sith these hands
With these hands, with these hands
I pray Lord
With these hands,
With these hands,
I pray for the strength, Lord
With these hands,
With these hands,
I pray for the faith, Lord
We pray for your love, Lord
We pray for the lost, Lord
We pray for this world, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord
We pray for the strength, Lord

Come on ,come on
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
Come on, rise up
--Bruce Springsteen

Sketches of grace from the past week:

--After youth group on Sunday night (which included a great discussion of suffering and even death as gifts from God, rather than evils to be delayed at all costs), April and I came back to the Dwelling and were planning to hang out there for a little while before heading over to the library to do work (you have to watch The Simpsons before you can really get anything done anyway, right?). At the beginning of the second episode, Eddie came up to my room and asked if we were busy. I told him no, of course, and invited him to pull up a seat. Instead, he just said that he needed to go to the hospital. So that's what we did. As it turned out, his heart had begun beating really fast a half hour or so earlier and he wasn't able to calm down. For the past month or so, he's been hit with some pretty rough ilnesses, which are only compounded by the crazy amount of pressure and stress he's under with school and all the other projects he's gotten himself involved in. We spent three or four hours in the Emergency Room, the doctors gave Eddie some IVs for hydration (it turns out running in the Charlottesville 10-Miler when you're really sick isn't the best idea) and a prescription for some other drugs. While we were waiting there, Geoff and Andrew and Lisa all called to check in on him, and Aaron actually drove over to see how things were going. It's amazing how community is built in the most unexpected places. I was surprised that Eddie, whose among the strongest and most self-sufficient people I know, was willing to come and ask for help. And I was surprised that I was actually home to help. God is good, and grace abounds!

--This week is spring break for Charlottesville City and Albemarle County Schools, so there was some talk at youth group on Sunday night about scheming to get together later in the week, but our Internet went down over tbe weekend and so I was out of IM-communication with the youth. Around noon on Tuesday, though, my phone began to ring, and by 1:00 I was on my way to pick up Savannah and Meredith at Fashion Square, Isaac and Jeremy at their house, and Jessica and Rose over in Belmont for a quick, impromptu lunch at Guadalajara. We had a really great time relaxing and catching up, only broke a few minor laws (funny pictures of this to come!), enjoyed lunch at a great local restaurant, and managed to get the Dubuques to their softball game at 3:00 and me to class at 3:30. It was random, holy time together and affirmed my belief that I am the luckiest!

--I woke up at 7:00 on Wednesday morning to work on the youth ministry section of Hinton Avenue's newly-envisioned 'Church Plan'. I have some serious reservations about the work of the Ad Hoc committee which required me to do this (we seemed to have yielded to them the oversight which the Book of Discipline assigns to the committees on finance, staff-parish relations, lay leadership, and trustees within United Methodist congregations) and about the appropriateness of my setting programming and fundraising goals for which my sucessor(s) will be responsible, but nonetheless I think it can be a fruitful project and it's important that youth ministry be as well-represented in their report as possible. If you're interested in the final draft of my report, you can find it here. I finished up around noon, and as I was heading out the door to make the necessary photocopies and phone calls in the office, I ran into Geri Watkins, who was over doing some yardwork on the gorgeous day. We chatted for about an hour, about the Residential Community, similarities between the two churches, the house Andrew, Brian, Charlie, and I are moving into over the summer (we'll be living in the Hinton House, right next door to my church!), and all sorts of other things that are going on in our lives. It was the sort of uplifting, Christian conversation that ought to happen much more often around here, and I was very thankful to have been a part of this community and have worked with her for the past three years. There are some pretty destructive things happening right now that are threatening the future of the Community, and I have some deep concerns about the way Wesley Memorial is treating next year's prospective residents, but I don't think Mrs. Watkins has much to do with those decisions. She really cares about these houses and the people who live here, and I'm not sure the Community has always appreciated how much of an advocate she is for us. Occasionaly we find among us unassuming saints, quiet models of love and grace who bless us beyond words (Romans 16).

--On Thursday afternoon, I gave my final presentation, on the limits of confidentiality in the Medical Intensive Care Unit, to my Bioethics Internship seminar. With much help from the most thoughtful girlfriend in the history of the universe, I put together a (relatively) snazzy power point presentation, and then got to use the (very) snazzy point-and-click device during our seminar time. The presentation went fairly well---Alycia Yowell, my mentor in the MICU, was there and helped me field questions about the general topic, my research, and most importantly the specific case which I will be focusing on for my final paper. The best thing about this is that it means I can cross one more project off the final list of my life as an undergraduate. The list is still far longer than I would wish, but everything is due one month from today. And whether I like it or not, this month will not be a day longer than any other. So I'm taking a deep breath and launching into the following world of academic madness:
Monday, April 18---RELG 365 (Contemp. Issues in Bioethics) Paper Due, 7-10 pgs.
Tuesday, April 26---RELG 400 (Religious Suffering) Presentation on James Shapiro's Oberammergau: The Troubling Story of the World's Most Famous Passion Play
Monday, May 2---Distinguished Majors Thesis Due (Sin, Grace, & Evangelism in Wesleyan Thought and Ministry), 35-50 pgs.
Monday, May 2---ISHU 322 (American Autobiography) Paper Due, 10 pgs.
Monday, May 2---RELG 423 (Bioethics Internship) Paper Due, 15-20 pgs.
Monday, May 2---RELG 365 (Contemp. Issues in Bioethics) Final Exam
Tuesday, May 3---RELG 400 (Religious Suffering) Reading Exam
Monday, May 9---RELG 400 (Religious Suffering) Paper Due, 10 pgs.

--The tradition of second dinner was alive and well in the Wesley community last night. April, Andrew, Brian, Geoff, Aaron, Jimbo, and I braved the pouring rain, my gas-deprived van (you'd think I was too poor to afford the $2-plus gas prices around here...oh wait...), and an unfortunate Little John's shift change in order to secure our Wild Turkeys (or similar late night sandwich delicacies) and carry on the banner. During our conversations, which lasted from the end of forum around 8:15pm until about 2:00am, we solved most of the problems of the world and even explored some intergalactic ones. And I don't know about the others, but I felt especially close to God during this rich and restless community time.

These stories could go on forever, and perhaps they should, but you saw the list. Now I'll read about Wesley's sermons, and end-of-life issues in bioethics, and the Passion, and know that I'm living in Easter!

Thanks be to God!